Getting Over Fears: Lowering The Gradient As A Way To Meet Up With Girls And Relate To Women

A couple of weeks ago one of my friends asked a question that i thought was worth discussing. He asked about how to overcome fears that pop up sometimes - even if everything is going great.

To be honest it is not an easy question to answer because it varies from person to person. There are actually thousands of books which have been written on that matter alone. However, one of the best techniques I have used to overcome my fears usually involves lowering the gradient.

What exactly are gradients? Gradients are like steps on a ladder. If you try to go to the top of the ladder on your first step, it will probably be impossible and you may not succeed. If you keep trying it again and again you will start building up a "complex" about failing, and soon stop trying anymore.

If you try to jump up five or six steps on your first attempt, it will also be frightening - not really impossible but frightening. Probability is that if you have no experiences jumping that high you will fail too.

The proper approach is to take the initial step and then advance one-step at a time. It is the most comfortable way to climb a ladder.

Here are a few examples of how I apply that to get over fears which pop up in meeting women and dating women:

As many guys do, I often go out to meet women in a social setting. This can be especially scary. Therefore when I am approaching a beautiful woman in a party, instead of telling her how gorgeous she is and how much I am fascinated by her (which exposes my fear of being shot down in front of a lot of people and embarrassed) I lower the gradient of approach and simply say "Hi." If a girl likes you or has an interest in you she will find a way to carry on the conversation. If she doesn't then i understand she has no interest in me and the simple "Hi" just shows that I am friendly - not necessarily even flirting - so I don't feel shot down in front of other people.

If I am starting to date a girl and I am afraid of taking the next step of trying to get intimate with her, I don't ask her "Do you want to get intimate?" I take a lower gradient and ask her if she would like to chill, get cozy, and just watch a movie at my place. If she doesn't want to get intimate she certainly won't want to be alone with me, getting cozy at my home. Or instead of trying to suddenly "kiss her", I will simply hold her hand or give her light touches every now and then to discover how responsive she is to my touch. If she likes my touch she will begin touching me back to render me with the go ahead signal.

These are some examples. When you feel uneasy and scared just try to think of a lower gradient which isn't as frightening and lets you make forward progress toward your main goal. If you do this you will learn how to meet women and how to relate to them quickly.

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